Programmed For Success
&roid Breaks The Silence
October 10th, 2005 -- It was about a year ago now that &roid began his adventures along the highway-strip. You may remember his big-rig named "Tobias Jones" and his foul-mouthed driving partner vee. Well friends, they finally hung up their driving shoes, &roid's appetite for the open road sated. "I learned a great deal from the trucking culture," says the gentle robot, "nobility, purity, and peace - I cannot find enough accolades to heap upon my fellow drivers." To be sure, if you ask, a dewy-eyed &roid will recount the tales of his interstate days with great reverence.
But stagnation is not a word in his vocabulary. For him, "Onward to thebigger and better" has become a mantra of sorts. So what's next? How can diesel-fired bliss possibly be topped? We sat down with your favorite man of steel over the weekend to find the answers to these questions:
Webteam: "There has been a great deal of conjecture in the media that gas prices are what led you to walk away from long-haul work. is this true?"
&roid: "Preposterous. That Reuters passes for 'news' these days is a testament to the state of our journalistic conciousness - they peddle inflammatory gossip, nothing more. Don't you agree?"
Webteam: "A newspaper should have no friends."
&roid: "Or staff who have no conception of syntax... So quoth Mr. P."
Webteam: "Do you really think it's that bad?"
&roid: "I do."
Webteam: "Why don't we set the record straight then?"
&roid: "There comes a time in every young robot's life when he knows the time has come to move on. Conscience, not petrol, dictated this choice. My good buddies, Tobias and vee, stand behind my decision 100%. However, I do plan to become an ambassador for..."
(At this point we interrupted and walked across the hall into vee's office to corroborate this information. He gave us a subtle, but persuasive, 10-4.)
Webteam: "The information checks out; you're in the clear. Ambassador you say... like Madeleine Albright?"
&roid: "Yes, except that where she was ambassador of the free world, I'm going to be ambassador of the trucking world."
Webteam: "I see, more like Bono then."
&roid: "Bono is an ambassador for trucks?"
Webteam: "No."
&roid: "Then nothing like Bono. I will have none of his tomfoolery. My aim is to bring the good will of our eighteen-wheeled brethren to the world."
Webteam: "Yet again you prove to be a cyber-being of many talents. I assume this is just one of many pursuits you keep hidden up your metal
sleeve."
&roid: "Your assumption is correct. Take cinema for instance. In a few months I'll be making my directorial debut with a film
called "Two Walked Under The Sanity Tree." Though it will only see limited release, the distributors are already talking Oscar. 'Welles, Kurosawa, and Eisenstein pale in comparison' they say. Such praise is flattering, but a bit premature I think. Let's wait and see how it does at Cannes before we get too excited."
Webteam: "Amazing."
&roid: "I also have taken the helm on the heretofore delayed vee device biopic. The erstwhile producers fled when they realized their talents were not up to the project. We shall see what I can do with the shambles."
Webteam: "You truly are a man for all seasons."
&roid: "Well... I should in fairness add that my taste in music is reputedly deplorable."
Webteam: "Your taste in music is excellent. It exactly coincides with my own!"
&roid: "I trust I make myself obscure."
Webteam: "Exceedingly so."
There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth. Now he's a filmmaker. Truly, an example for us all.
Long Live The vee Revolution.