Dr. Livingstone I Presume?
G-Man Tries His Hand At Sleuthing
February 15th, 2006
Pull out your deerstalkers dear friends, we have a mystery. While walking to veedee Headquarters last week, G-Man noticed something peculiar. There on a wall, plain as day, were posted several placards. It seems someone had stolen some 'European Fruit Cake' from the venerable City Drug. But even setbacks can be turned into opportunities, as these kindly proprietors demonstrate. For on the same sign proclaiming the theft, they also announce a 50%-off sale on their two remaining daughters: Contrella and Contessa. Gingerbread dowry included.
"First thing's first. I went into the store and asked for the details of the case: a description of the items, the amount absconded with, and a description of the suspects. I also let them know that they had misspelled the word 'stolen.' They tried to play dumb, but I persisted."
Like Basil Rathbone before him, G-Man assembled the clues with all his cunning. Cardamom. Candied citrus. Almonds. Brandy. His list read like a who's who in holiday cake land. Crumbs led him around the town. Interrogations, tracking and trailing abounded; but his quarry proved as devious as Professor Moriarty.
"He only left one clue, and it was a tattered postcard depicting August the Strong surrounded by dancing stick figures. That leads me to believe he is an intellectual heavyweight. Perhaps he intends on bringing an evil group of architects and painters to Fort Collins. To think that City Drug will be their rendezvous point leaves me feeling uneasy -- only miscreant artisans could spring from its bowels. Also, I believe he has some knowledge in baritsu. For now though, he has seemingly vanished into thin air."
And so, the casebook remains open. Conan Doyle, Inspector Blancheflower, and the like would be very proud of G-Man's efforts. "Until I have my man, I will never rest. I will bring this criminal to justice. I ... I have drawn a line in the sand."
Long Live The vee Revolution.